my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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