She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
