yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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