i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
