Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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