the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
