At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
