CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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