Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
