a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize