Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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