I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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