three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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