WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
