Don't make out with my wife yet
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize