At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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