you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
