They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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