i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
