having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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