Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
