you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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