Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
