I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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