haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
