if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
this is an emotional support booty call
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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