He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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