If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
