u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
