he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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