Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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