just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
