Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
