You really coming over, don't trick.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
