Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
