if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
