Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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