I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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