He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize