Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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