i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
