your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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