cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
