I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
