I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
