Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
