your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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