I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
