Dual....:-)
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
