oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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