There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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