chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
