I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
