I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
