We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
