Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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