Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
