I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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