i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
