are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
