Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The beer is more important than you right now.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
