how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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