yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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